just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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