I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
