she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
