Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize