For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
