I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
