She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
