i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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