At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
