I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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