Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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