So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
