addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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