Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he thought i was a dude.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
