i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
