i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Say something about gay babies.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
