genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
