Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
