Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cut my penus on the lid.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
