God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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