You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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