so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
