after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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