Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize