i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
