I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
