she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
