I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
