I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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