I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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