i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize