Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
