So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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