He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
