it wasn't lemon gatorade
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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