Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
