No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
