My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
