did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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