it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
