Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
