nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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