Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
