it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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