Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
