Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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