I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
