I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick