This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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