So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.