All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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