Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
