AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
