You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
