Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
