Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
