If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
